bloogs blowing by

Crossing the Line

There's a line.

So, I'm in California right now for some professional development.  We did mock interviews today, and I got some consistent feedback:  I have the right knowledge and experience, but I come across as young.

I can appreciate this as constructive criticism.  I can understand that I tend to use younger sounding colloquialisms.  I know I get excited and talk with my hands when I feel passionately about what I'm talking about.  I will accept that it can be helpful to dress the part.  But, I am offended at even the suggestion that I wear make-up to look older.

I was extremely disappointed.  I mean, I know that it was meant as helpful feedback so that I look more my age.  BUT.  No. 

I like to say jokingly, that maybe it's not that I look young for my age, but maybe that everyone else looks OLD for their age.  But it's not really a joke.  It's a statement about norming.  Who says that how I look for my age is not the norm?  What if Asian women don't age well, but white women just age poorly?

I don't wear make-up.  And it's a conscious choice.  I, personally, don't wear make-up because I believe that I am beautiful just as I am.  I think it's hurtful to young women and girls to make them think that make-up makes them beautiful.  And I think it's hurtful to women to make them think that they need to wear make-up to be perceived as more powerful or as older or as more experienced.  I think that it's a waste of women's time and money to buy and put on make-up. 

In a way, this has been helpful for me and my own professional development.  What I have learned is that I am not willing to compromise on my principles for career advancement.  That's how I got in to my career anyway - my work is something that I feel embodies my values.  At this point in my life, what I need is my principles.  I believe that career advancement will come, but I will not wear make-up, earrings, or change my hair style to be perceived as older.  Honestly, that's not that important to me.  I'd much rather stick to what I believe.  That's where I'll find happiness.

Hanging in there...

We are hanging in there.  Literally.  June was busy and rainy.  We went to New York and Philadelphia.

Tomorrow we are going to LA, for a mix of business and vacation.  I'm actually excited for both.

The summer has been fun, but our lack of any kind of schedule has actually been throwing us off a little.  Tae is much less excited about school, now that she realizes that sometimes I don't have to go to work.  Mondays are rough.

I feel like there are a lot of transitions going on and that can be disorienting for us.  Tae is a creature of habit, and with all the things that are changing, I think she turns to me for stability.  She is back to sneaking in to my bed at night. 

We have friends that have moved.  Tae's best friend at school is gone for the summer, and then off to kindergarten.  E was away for work.  Tae got strep throat last week.  My parents are off on vacation.  And tomorrow we hit the road again.

I try to make her world as stable as it can be, but I know there are always things that won't be stable.  But, it can be overwhelming sometimes when she clings to me (very literally) to be her rock.  And, knowing that there is more change coming down the pipeline... phew.  Summer is tiring!!

We spin

We spin
Video sent by eliaday

Blast from the past

I was digging through old things that I have, and found some print-outs that my dad rescued from our Apple IIc.

MY SISTER

My sister Jennifer is 4 years old.She behaves very much like a clown most of the time.She is about up my shoulder and has black hair.She has brown eyes.My sister likes to play with her cabbage patch kid.I have known my sister all her life.my sister is special to me because she is my little sister.  But sometimes she can be a PAIN.

I must have been about 7 or 8 when I wrote this.  Luckily, I don't think my little sister is a PAIN anymore.  She's even letting us crash with her in a couple of weeks.  Yay!!

Monday Movies

MVI_8568
Video sent by eliaday

The Phone Who Lived...

Last week, I was out riding my bike.  I took my phone out of my bag to check the time.  And put the phone in my pants' pocket.  And then I got on my bike.

And as I was riding down the street, I heard something fall.  I looked behind me, and there was my phone, on the road.  And there were three cars, coming up fast behind me.

Crunch, crunch.

D'oh.  I think one of the cars missed my phone, but one definitely drove right over it.  After all the cars were gone, I doubled back to pick up the pieces.  I liked that phone!

And after I put everything back together... it still worked!!  The screen is cracked, and the camera is broken.  But it works.  I was shocked.

Tae thinks I should get a new phone, and has told me so.  Everytime she's on the phone these days, and is just staring at the big ole crack in the screen.  I'm of the opinion that I should get a new phone too... what fun!  QWERTY keypad?  Do I need to text that much?  Hmmm.  I think I'll be renewing my AT&T contract, trying to get the cheapest phone I can... but what if I can get a phone with wi-fi?  Decisions, decisions. =)

Roots

I remember in 5th grade, our class was studying Europe.  Each student was supposed to then pick a country in Europe to do a report on... and our teacher suggested maybe picking a country that we had roots to. 

Except, well, in my family, no one really has roots to Europe. I ended up with the Netherlands because I thought that windmills were cool.

Fast forward to 6th grade, and we have a little more latitude with our reports.  I think the topic was just American history.  My mom suggested that I write about the Chinese laborers who helped build the transcontinental railroad.  And it was then (well, uh, it might have been a similar report I wrote in 7th grade), our local public library, that I was first introduced to Ronald Takaki.  I distinctly remember how much his name and his book stuck out - as one of only a handful of books about our history written by someone whose family had lived through it. 

It was such a contrast - to read about American history that related to my family, my grandparents, and what they experienced.  Compared to feeling like a lone student who didn't have family history in Europe, this was something that was mine, that was personal.

I hope that as Tae grows up, she continues to find this - the connections in the big picture of history, politics, whatever - back to her own life.  Finding the relevance of our stories, the voices of our elders... these things are so precious and so important.

I was lucky enough to meet Ronald Takaki in the fall of 2007.  As part of my quest to pass along our stories and histories, I have a collection of books by Asian American authors that have been inscribed by them to her.

His inscription reads:

To Tae:

A study of the past written for your future.  To empower you with a remembering of your roots.

With best wishes,

Ron Takaki
October 16, 2007

May we all be empowered by Ronald Takaki's words.  Rest in power.  I will remember.

Proud of Tae, California, not so much

Over the past week, I've started having a conversation with Tae about marriage.  Mostly, our conversation took place on express bus to Boston.  She started the conversation, naturally.  She asked if I was married yet, we talked about who I was getting married to, and then... "Can I be your flower girl?"  and from there on out, it was all about dresses and how beautiful flower girls are, and what kind of shoes do flower girls wear?  She even told me that there's no such thing as a flower woman.  Huh?

I snuck a little in about *why* people get married (because they love each other very much, because they want to be a family), and then she asked me, "Can two women get married?"  And she made me very proud to know that she doesn't think marriage is defined as between a man and a woman.

Although, in complete honesty, I think she was thinking about me and her, how we love each other very much and want to be a family.  Heck, she even thinks that if I live with her when her eggs hatch, that her babies will have two mommies.  Sigh.  But at least she's not thinking all heteronormatively.  That's what's important.

The Weekend in Photos

This is Tae in May 2007 when we visited Vassar...

And this is Tae this past weekend at Vassar.  She looks the same to me... except that she's just starting to look like such a big kid.  (Minus the blankie that she started carrying around recently because our neighbor's daughter does.)

Representations

Sometimes I have to remind myself that things are much simpler when you're four.  And sometimes, a drawing of a sad girl in jail is just a drawing of a sad girl in jail.  And it doesn't *really* mean anything larger.  Right?