at a loss

i am at a loss. 

i've been struggling to figure out how i should help tae cope with the changes that our little family has been going through.  i sat her down once to tell her about what was going on, and she was acting so brave.  but i think it also upset her.  and i know that it's ok for her to be upset.  i'm just not sure what i need to support her through this.

i've started looking through children's books on divorce, because if anything, a book would be helpful for tae.  a lot of them use animals instead of people, so there's not a problem with the books representing our family based on race.  but when i read the stories, i don't know if they will help tae - our situation is different, so i don't want her to be expecting things that aren't happening right now.  a lot of the books focus on having two homes, but right now, that's not our situation. 

on days like yesterday, i am so proud of tae for just rolling with everything that i throw at her.  her schedule has it's own google calendar, it's that wacky.  but she just goes with it.  and i couldn't be more proud of her for being the big girl that she is, and humoring me on all the crazy adventures that we have together.  sometimes, i feel more like tae's big sister than her mom.  i hope that's because we  are close and can talk about everything, not because i don't actually parent.

Comments

[Rachel]

Well, I don't have any big insight, but maybe a little role-playing with dolls would help? One thing we learned in my preschool parenting class is to make a little book with them after something traumatic happens. You draw stick figure pictures and just sort of sketch out the story and talk about it.

[honglien123]

My in-laws divorced when my hubby was about Tae's age and I once asked my MIL how she handled it with J. Unfortunately, the only things that I remember her saying are the following points:
1) She never spoke badly of J's father in front of him, whatever issues she had with his father, she wanted to keep away from J so that he wouldn't think badly of his dad.
2) She made it a point to demonstrate that she still loved J, that no matter what happened between his parents, he was still loved.
3) She set up a routine that was predictable and well managed so that J would feel safe and secure. Despite the huge changes for their family (they didn't immediately go to a two family/home structure for a number of years after the divorce) he would still know what was in store for him each day.

I know, this comment is given third hand, but I had always wondered about J's parent's divorce and how it affected both his parents and himself. He's always said that he received the best possible care after his parents divorce and he was extremely lucky that his parents later married decent people who loved and cared for him. He liked that there was relative stability in his life and that his parents were realistic about their relationship and ended it early, before he could remember. You are doing the best you can for Tae and I think she knows it. =)