allies

i'm quickly realizing that my family has morphed into a non-traditional family.  we're not the typical family with a mommy and daddy living under one roof.  in fact, i had to explain to tae that apah is her daddy.  (clearly she knew that he was her dad, but she didn't quite get that they were synonymous.) 

and as tae gets better with words and as she starts talking to more people and more kids, i don't want her to ever feel like her family is not normal.  i don't want people to ask her about her mommy and daddy and for her to feel weird about saying that she has a mommy and an apah and that they don't live together.  i don't want the weight of other people's expectations to weigh on her because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how her family is shaped.  it just matters that she is loved and cared for by a large and loosely defined fam.

that's why it's important for us to be allies to other families that are non-traditional.  whether it is a single parent household, a blended family, an adoptive family, a family with two mothers, two fathers or any mixed up version of any of these, we all need to help shape people's expectations.  we all know that families come in many different shapes and sizes.  and we are all responsible for helping to change people's expectations. 

a long time ago when i had a summer job that involved cold-calling parents and guardians of infants, i got in a small bit of trouble when i asked if i could speak to "the mother or father of baby so-and-so."  in fact, baby so-and-so was being raised by two moms who called my lab back to complain about my choice of words. it helped me realize that i shouldn't expect that every child is being raised by a mother and a father living together. 

so, the next time you need to refer to a child's parents or guardians, please think about the words you and choosing and what they say about your expectations about what it means to be a family.

Comments

[Robin Reagler]

Thanks for another great post. It's so cool that you are participating in this e-vent. Have a wonderful weekend!

[Vikki]

I believe that the struggle of LGBT families will eventually benefit all non-traditional families. Thanks for pointing that out...