In my parents' basement there is an old cigar box with a pink post-it that reads, "There is a six-pence in this box." I think I wrote that when I was 10 or 11, maybe? According to my mom, the line after "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. And a six-pence in her shoe." I can't remember if that's the actual six-pence that my mom used when she got married. When I get married again, I will.
It was only in my 20s did I realize the privilege that I had in thinking that I would get married when I "grow up," and never question that I would be able to.
I don't know how I would have felt, having saved a six-pence in a box for 15 years, only to find out that I couldn't get married.
I believe in marriage, despite all it's roots in patriarchy and heterosexism. Partly, it's because I believe that culture is evolving. That marriage today means something slightly different than it did 20 years ago. And I hope, that by having a marriage that is built on equality and throws patriarchy out the window, that I will help set a path for my daughter where marriage will be even less rooted in patriarchy and heterosexism.
My mom set an example for me by keeping her last name in a time when it wasn't common at all. I hope that I am able to set a similar example, in small ways and large ways. That will demonstrate to Tae that marriage can also be a political act, and that there we can all make choices that can create change. That to me, is love.