bloogs blowing by

Ecstatic

This morning, Tae wrote me a little note in an envelope.  She told me to open it when I got to my office.  I just did.  It was very cute.

ESPECIALLY after she woke up at 5:30am and threw a tantrum over the fact that she couldn't color purple over a circle she had drawn in black.  She drew a face on a purple circle she drew, and was trying to do the opposite with a black circle, and it didn't work.  She threw a pen cap at me, dumped out a whole box of stickers, and then knocked down her chairs.  I made her go to her room, where she screamed about how sad she was for about 15 minutes before calming herself down by reading a book.

And this was all before 7:00am.  AWESOME. 

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Tomorrow, we are flying out to California, for what has become our annual pilgrimage to the LA area.  We're going to spend some time with Tae's paternal grandparents, and Tae will spend some time with her dad.

She is through the roof ecstatic (that's a fancy word for happy) about the trip - about seeing her dad, about going on an airplane ride where I'll let her play on my computer (the ONLY time I permit this), and to stay in a hotel.  She is also ecstatic about the fact that we will be able to wear short sleeves and crocs (she will wear crocs, not me).

I am also ecstatic about the weather.  I am not so ecstatic at the idea that she might be waking up on Friday morning at 4:00am.  Anyone in the 951-area code want to meet me for coffee at say 5:00am on Friday?

Something special

Some days when I go to pick Tae up from school, I'll have a special treat in the car for her... usually it's something leftover from a meeting or an event I was at - three munkins, a cookie, etc.

Today was Tae's first day back in school after over a week and a half.  She was tired from the day at school, maybe a little extra clingy.

"Mommy, do you have something special for me?"

"No, sorry, not today."

"Mommy, you HAVE something special for me." 

"No, Tae, I don't.  Not today."

"MOMMY.  You DO have something special for me... YOURSELF!!!!"

At the ballet

At the ballet
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Oh my. I swear I don't know where she comes up with this stuff. Some of this might be inspired by our trip in December to see the Urban Nutcracker. And I swear, I don't dance like this.

Monday Movies

Monday Movies
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I hope she always stays Tae...

And a six pence in her shoe.

In my parents' basement there is an old cigar box with a pink post-it that reads, "There is a six-pence in this box."  I think I wrote that when I was 10 or 11, maybe?  According to my mom, the line after "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.  And a six-pence in her shoe."  I can't remember if that's the actual six-pence that my mom used when she got married.  When I get married again, I will.

It was only in my 20s did I realize the privilege that I had in thinking that I would get married when I "grow up," and never question that I would be able to.

I don't know how I would have felt, having saved a six-pence in a box for 15 years, only to find out that I couldn't get married.

I believe in marriage, despite all it's roots in patriarchy and heterosexism.  Partly, it's because I believe that culture is evolving.  That marriage today means something slightly different than it did 20 years ago.  And I hope, that by having a marriage that is built on equality and throws patriarchy out the window, that I will help set a path for my daughter where marriage will be even less rooted in patriarchy and heterosexism.

My mom set an example for me by keeping her last name in a time when it wasn't common at all.  I hope that I am able to set a similar example, in small ways and large ways.  That will demonstrate to Tae that marriage can also be a political act, and that there we can all make choices that can create change.  That to me, is love.

Something Blue

Blue is the color of food coloring traveling up the "pipes" in celery.  I love experimenting and discovering.

Something Borrowed

"Without justice there can be no love."

bell hooks is one of my favorite writers/thinkers.  I especially appreciate the fact that she is able to talk about love in a way that makes the personal political.  (And that she is willing to talk about the effects of patriarchy on love.)  If you haven't read her book All About Love, then you should. 

Something New

This kinda fits right in with the theme, I guess.  Being engaged and having fancy rings is new to me.  Being pro-actively feminist and bucking tradition is not new to me.

Below are our engagement rings.  Mine was given in the Bahamas in May 2008.  His was given in the middle of a snow storm in December 2008.  I jokingly tell many people that I think in all fairness, HE should also wear an engagement ring to signal that he is also off the market.  It's that, as well as the fact that our relationship is truly a partnership, and that we are on equal footing.

Something Old

This week, I'm participating in a celebration of love, in honor of Freedom to Marry Week.  The goal is to post something each day, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and then something about love.  The Other Mother is hosting this "blog carnival" - I'm always thankful to Robin for providing good things to write about.

When I think about love, one thing I think about is Tae.  My something old  is from a journal that I started when I was pregnant with Tae.  This is something I wrote on February 17, 2004.  Tae was 7 weeks, 6 days old in my belly.

i love you.  we saw you today.  you are (a line) that big.  maybe a little smaller.  your heart fluttered inside me.  it was the most amazing thing i ever saw.  i knew you were real, but seeing your little heart made you so much more.  soon, you'll probably hear my heart beating.  heart beats are soothing...

tae, you've already taught me so much about love and family.  i want to be so strong for you.  i want to be human for you.  i want to be love for you.

you are small, but you are so big inside me.  there's so much i want to tell you, but most of all, that i love you.

It's kind of hard to believe that this was almost 5 years ago.  On one hand, it feels like a lifetime ago (as my mom say, BC - before children), and on the other hand, Tae seems so brand new to the world that it's hard to believe that I have known her for 5 years.

Monday Movies

Monday Movies
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