Crossing the Line

There's a line.

So, I'm in California right now for some professional development.  We did mock interviews today, and I got some consistent feedback:  I have the right knowledge and experience, but I come across as young.

I can appreciate this as constructive criticism.  I can understand that I tend to use younger sounding colloquialisms.  I know I get excited and talk with my hands when I feel passionately about what I'm talking about.  I will accept that it can be helpful to dress the part.  But, I am offended at even the suggestion that I wear make-up to look older.

I was extremely disappointed.  I mean, I know that it was meant as helpful feedback so that I look more my age.  BUT.  No. 

I like to say jokingly, that maybe it's not that I look young for my age, but maybe that everyone else looks OLD for their age.  But it's not really a joke.  It's a statement about norming.  Who says that how I look for my age is not the norm?  What if Asian women don't age well, but white women just age poorly?

I don't wear make-up.  And it's a conscious choice.  I, personally, don't wear make-up because I believe that I am beautiful just as I am.  I think it's hurtful to young women and girls to make them think that make-up makes them beautiful.  And I think it's hurtful to women to make them think that they need to wear make-up to be perceived as more powerful or as older or as more experienced.  I think that it's a waste of women's time and money to buy and put on make-up. 

In a way, this has been helpful for me and my own professional development.  What I have learned is that I am not willing to compromise on my principles for career advancement.  That's how I got in to my career anyway - my work is something that I feel embodies my values.  At this point in my life, what I need is my principles.  I believe that career advancement will come, but I will not wear make-up, earrings, or change my hair style to be perceived as older.  Honestly, that's not that important to me.  I'd much rather stick to what I believe.  That's where I'll find happiness.

Comments

[seadragon]

Honestly, I don't know if make up would make you look older. Have you tried it and does it? (I'm just curious.)

I do wear makeup, but haha, not to look older! I wear it to hopefully look brighter and more well-rested and put together than I really am, and if anything, younger! I find it an interesting commentary on make-up that it's sold as something to make you look younger, but really it can make you look older.

I largely agree with you (well, also I think you don't need make up), but I do think that you could make the argument that wearing make-up for work is the same thing as wearing certain clothes to make you look more professional.

Anyway, although I've never seen you in the kind of work environment you describe (e.g., a job interview or presentation or whatever), I have to say that I'm not sure make up would really make you look younger. You just look youthful! But the words that come out of your mouth and your confidence and your experience are all what give you away as the (relative) age you are and that you know what you're talking about. (At least, that's what I saw in grad school.)

Maybe they're just jelus. :)

[eliaday]

Actually, that's a really good point. I'm not sure that I would look older in make-up. Sometimes I think that I don't look older in suits and stuff. I think I just look like a young person in a suit.

I know that make-up isn't necessarily evil. I'm just personally opposed to it, and I get more stubborn when people try to tell me what to do. It's almost as if being told to wear make-up makes me want to wear it even less. It's also about just the way I present myself in general. I'm just kind of naturally more casual and low maintenance. (Well, that, and a single mom who gets dressed and ready to go in about 5 minutes.)

I'm flattered that you thought I knew what I was talking about in grad school! I think it's taken me a long time to become someone who is confident with speaking up (oh, I could right a whole nother post on that!). And I've found that now that I am in a field that I care about, it's much easier to speak out.

[Aunt Jen]

Wait, someone wants you to dress a certain way, and it makes you want to do the exact opposite?

Um, this sounds familiar -- remember that little princess you live with?

Anyway, reading your post makes me grateful to be a field that is a bit fashion-challenged (although if someone wanted to send a memo to mathematicians telling them to stop wearing socks with sandals, I wouldn't oppose it...)

[Rachel]

Is it really about age, or the perception of authority? I remember hearing a story on the radio about women who were coached to use more downward intonation in their speech, instead of the upward intonation that makes sentences sound like questions. I have a special "teacher voice" that I use in the classroom. Stronger, lower, more downward intonation.

[nancyjean]

Hold the line, please. Until men are required to wear make-up, I don't think women should be required to do so. Of course, we are being told it is a "suggestion" like wearing skirts and heels. Blah.