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Monday Movies: dancing queen

Monday Movies: dancing queen
Video sent by eliaday

T at her second day at ballet.

You can have it all...

I learned an invaluable lesson this week.

"You can have it all. Just not at the same time."

I have always been one to take on the world and then some. Usually, I make it out just fine.

My professional development stint in California is done, and I had an amazing opportunity to meet some amazing mentors and role models. It was so important to me to meet some Asian American women who had gone on to become presidents of colleges. And they had kids and famiies.

I think I had believed for myself that doing it all meant throwing myself in to my education, my career, and my family all at once. And mostly, I've done ok. But as I look forward to the next couple of years, and all the big goals and events that are coming up, I finally dawned on me that doing it all might mean that I do it all only moderately well. And that I find totally unacceptable.

I hadn't had a woman tell me that I can do it all, but just not all at once. And meeting some women who had done it all was so inspiring, and reassuring, like this huge burden that has been lifted from my shoulders.

So, in the next year, my goal is let myself off the hook a little about my work. And to put my family and myself first.

We'll see how it goes!!

Crossing the Line

There's a line.

So, I'm in California right now for some professional development.  We did mock interviews today, and I got some consistent feedback:  I have the right knowledge and experience, but I come across as young.

I can appreciate this as constructive criticism.  I can understand that I tend to use younger sounding colloquialisms.  I know I get excited and talk with my hands when I feel passionately about what I'm talking about.  I will accept that it can be helpful to dress the part.  But, I am offended at even the suggestion that I wear make-up to look older.

I was extremely disappointed.  I mean, I know that it was meant as helpful feedback so that I look more my age.  BUT.  No. 

I like to say jokingly, that maybe it's not that I look young for my age, but maybe that everyone else looks OLD for their age.  But it's not really a joke.  It's a statement about norming.  Who says that how I look for my age is not the norm?  What if Asian women don't age well, but white women just age poorly?

I don't wear make-up.  And it's a conscious choice.  I, personally, don't wear make-up because I believe that I am beautiful just as I am.  I think it's hurtful to young women and girls to make them think that make-up makes them beautiful.  And I think it's hurtful to women to make them think that they need to wear make-up to be perceived as more powerful or as older or as more experienced.  I think that it's a waste of women's time and money to buy and put on make-up. 

In a way, this has been helpful for me and my own professional development.  What I have learned is that I am not willing to compromise on my principles for career advancement.  That's how I got in to my career anyway - my work is something that I feel embodies my values.  At this point in my life, what I need is my principles.  I believe that career advancement will come, but I will not wear make-up, earrings, or change my hair style to be perceived as older.  Honestly, that's not that important to me.  I'd much rather stick to what I believe.  That's where I'll find happiness.

Hanging in there...

We are hanging in there.  Literally.  June was busy and rainy.  We went to New York and Philadelphia.

Tomorrow we are going to LA, for a mix of business and vacation.  I'm actually excited for both.

The summer has been fun, but our lack of any kind of schedule has actually been throwing us off a little.  Tae is much less excited about school, now that she realizes that sometimes I don't have to go to work.  Mondays are rough.

I feel like there are a lot of transitions going on and that can be disorienting for us.  Tae is a creature of habit, and with all the things that are changing, I think she turns to me for stability.  She is back to sneaking in to my bed at night. 

We have friends that have moved.  Tae's best friend at school is gone for the summer, and then off to kindergarten.  E was away for work.  Tae got strep throat last week.  My parents are off on vacation.  And tomorrow we hit the road again.

I try to make her world as stable as it can be, but I know there are always things that won't be stable.  But, it can be overwhelming sometimes when she clings to me (very literally) to be her rock.  And, knowing that there is more change coming down the pipeline... phew.  Summer is tiring!!