bloogs blowing by

Who won? Tae vs. the Bath

I'm not really sure who won tonight - me or the four year old.

Before bathtime, Tae and I always read a book together.  Tonight, after reading one book, Tae tells me that she's not ready for her bath.  She asks for one more book, to which I tell her, "Fine.  One book, and then straight in to the bath."  In my head, I'm thinking, sure, reading one more book is worth it if she gets straight into the bath.

We got about a third of the way in to Madeline, when she suddenly is lying down in my lap.  I ask her if she wants to get in the bath now, and finish Madeline in bed.  Tae says no.  A couple of pages later, she's looking really sleepy. 

"Tae," I say, "I don't care if you're asleep, you need to get in the bath after we finish this book." 

Her response, "Fine.  I'll go to sleep in the bath."

I finish the book, and Tae is still awake.  She marches straight into the bathroom, strips off her clothes, and climbs in to the bath.  She sits up in the bath for all of 10 seconds, and then is lying down in the bath tub.  She tells me to keep the water on.  (I do because I think we need to heat.)

Then, she proceeds to FALL ASLEEP.  In the bath.  With the water over her ears.  I proceed to wash her, and then try to take her out of the bath.  Have you ever tried to pick up a slippery rag doll sleeping four year old?

NOT easy.

And I got her half way out of the tub and she wakes up for just long enough to say, "No, Mommy.  I want to sleep in the bath a little longer."

About five minutes later, she was out of the tub.  I have still yet to face the challenge of getting her in her pajamas.

So the question is, did I win because I got her in the bath?  Or did she win for actually sleeping in the bath?  Or did we finally find a win-win situation? 

Costume craziness

So I've got myself in a pickle over Tae's halloween costume.

Last weekend, she saw our next door neighbor's dementor costume.  (He's 10.)  When I asked her what she wanted to be for halloween, she told me that she wanted to be what our neighobor was dressing up as.  Not that Tae has any idea what a dementor is...  But she told me she wanted to bedressed in black...

So, I made a trip to Target without her... and guess what?  No kid-sized dementor costumes.  Why am I not surprised?  I was however, happy, because a long time ago, she told me that she wanted to be a carrot for halloween, and I was going to be a rabbit.  I hope she's TOTALLY forgotten about this.

So, today, we made a trip to the fabric store where I intended to buy plain black fabric to make a dementor-ish costume.  And I had Tae in tow to help pick things out.  And whe she saw the patterns for all the costumes, she finally realized that she could dress up as a ballerina for halloween.

Which is ok by me... because she'll understand that it's a costume, for play.  Not clothes to wear.  So now, I'm sewing a pink sparkly skirt.  Except that today, as Tae hovered over my shoulder, I discovered that my sewing machine is jammed up or something.  It's not working.

I was disappointed not to start sewing her skirt.  I think Tae was a little disappointed too.  But, she told me that I could surprise her one day when she wakes up.  She's so sweet when she tries to help solve problems like that.  But I think she really did want to see her skirt immediately.  She picked some pink and sparkley tulle.  And ribbon with ballet shoes on it.

I'm happy to indulge her with a halloween costume and some play ballet gear.  She loves it when I teach her the positions and throw on some classical music to dance to.  And I'm happy to involve her in the process of making a halloween costume.  Growing up, we always had mom-made halloween costumes, and I like picking out materials together, and having some room to be creative.

On the flip side, October is a super busy month, and I could have just as easily bought a ballerina costume on my first trip to Target, and I would be done right now.  This, however, is one thing that I'd like to be able to do for Tae.  Because, yes, I continue to be over-achieving, and because yes, I can do it all.  (Ha.) 

For me, it's actually a fun project to pull out the sewing machine (if I could figure out what was wrong with it).  And nice to have a task that has a fun reward at the end, instead of tasks that seem endless - namely laundry and dishes and cleaning up the house.

(Ask me again how the project was when it's all said and done.)

help!

i'm at a loss here for what to do.

on the weekends, tae doesn't like to go out.  she prefers to stay home and hang out with me.  for the past three weekends, we have gone out in the car exactly TWO times.  she is ok with walking to gymnastics and going to get coffee, but other than that, she apparently loathes going out.  she has me only slightly wrapped around her little finger - what am i supposed to do when she says, "i just want to stay here and hang out with you because i looove you!"

so that's the first problem - i don't know how to get her out of the house on the weekends.  my hunch is that i need to plan ahead more, build in more routines - since she is fine going to gymnastics on sundays, and she is fine leaving the house during the week.

here's the second problem - she doesn't nap.  she has never really napped without going out in the car or in the stroller.  so yesterday, after giving her 30 minutes to mentally prepare, we left for the grocery store.  and as we drove home, she started to zone out, and by the time we got home at 4pm, she was conked out.

napping at 4pm is always kind of awkward, so i decided to give it a shot and tried to wake her up at 6pm.  i offered her snacks, playing, music, everything... and she just faded right back to sleep, and finally asked for her pajamas at 7:30pm.

this was not a good sign.  i got in bed around 10:30pm, anticipating an early morning.  but nothing could have prepared me for what happened at 2:45am.  2:45am  (mind you, this is after she had me up fetching her food between 1:30am and 2:30am - this is always a precursor to waking up for her.)

"mommy, i want to get up.  mommy, come play!"

next, i feel little hands under my neck and back - she was trying to physically lift me up.  next, she is smothering me with kisses. "mommy, it's wake up time."

that was at 3:00am.  she read to her self for about 20 minutes (oh the irony, in my semi-delusional state, i heard her reciting "don't let the pigeon stay up late!"), and then played around with my ipod for another 10.  and at 3:30am, she was up, and i was up.

after playing for 4 hours, she was ready to go to school at 7:30am.  her teacher was a little surprised to see us, since we typically arrive at like 9:00am. 

i am so wide awake now, but we'll see how i am at 3pm.  YAWN.

talk about assumptions!!

i just called tae's doctor.  this was part of the conversation:

nurse: "hello, mrs. h*?"
me:  "yes?"
nurse:  "we have a message about THAI's** blood work."
me:  "ok, thanks."
nurse: "HIS*** results were negative."

thanks a-effing-lot.

* my child and i don't share a last name.
** tae's name is pronounced "tay" not "thai" as in thai food.
*** tae is a girl.

how to make me angry

This past weekend, we walked down to a local coffee shop since the weather is finally getting nice.  Right when i was trying to back our stroller out of the coffee shop, this man steps in.  He was pretty much blocking us in.

"Is your daughter Chinese?"  he asks.

"No," I say.  "I'm Chinese American."

"Oh," he says.  "Do you speak Mandarin?"

"No," I say.  "I'm third generation American."

"Oh.  Well, you know, people in China said that I speak mandarin better than a Chinese person."

At this point, I started to go off on him about how I was born and raised in America, and how I don't speak Chinese and.. and... and... then he got all like, "Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation." Blah blah blah.  He was a middle-aged white male, and clearly I was getting sketchy vibes from him.  Did he not realize that i was in the process of backing the stroller OUT of the coffeeshop?

It frustrates me that he brought Tae into it.  That he made all kinds of assumptions about us.  That he couldn't talk about god damn weather if he really just wanted make conversation.  It frustrates me that I just get angry and don't have it in me to turn this into a teachable moment.  It frustrates me that in situations like this, I am powerless.  He had the power to make me uncomfortable and upset, and I had nothing.

What do you say in situations like this?

*cross posted at kimchi mamas 

car-ma

last april, someone across the street from me backed into my car.  twice.

this morning, my neighbor backed into my car.  the damage is very minor compared to last year.  but this is getting a little ridiculous.  i've already been to the body shop down the street twice since we moved here last may.

i wish my lifestyle was such that public transportation would work well for me.  i'm just not there yet.

last week, i unloaded no less than 10 items when i got home from work (my work bag, tae's dipaer bag, my overnight bag, tae's bag of boots, my change of shoes, my laptop bag, my video camera bag, my bag of legal documents, and a bag of groceries).  sometimes, i feel like i could live out of my car.

[interesting book review that i mistakenly linked]

but i like vitamin water!

sometimes, it's not fun balancing social justice/responsibility with things that i like...  to consume.

but, when i read things like this, i remember that choice can be power too.

glaceau + racist voicemail message

sorry glaceau, no more business from me.

the morning after

i was going to write about how i was feeling inspired about valentine's day and love.  (instead, this post is going to be about sex, kinda.)

then my wallet was stolen.  luckily, it was found in a men's restroom with only the cash gone.  i still feel violated because someone took it.  this was one reason why i was stressed out yesterday.

then there was all the snow and grossness yesterday.  that was the second reason why i was stressed out yesterday.

i balled up into a little ball of stress.  good thing i have good people around me.

we had a long discussion about sex last night (ha. for work!)  it was great. (the discussion, not the sex.  it was just a discussion.) we asked people, "what did your parents tell you about sex?"  i was amazed at people's responses - that there were so many people whose parents said NOTHING.  not even "don't have sex."  just nothing. 

i have no idea how i'm going to broach this topic with tae.  and, speaking of which, are there any "where do babies come from?" books with asian americans in it?  or do only white parents have sex and make babies buy books about procreation for their kids? (well, that, and do people have sex other than for baby-making?)

this is what i get

for trying to raise a feminist kid. 

though, i suppose this could also be some kind of karmic balance for her brown phase.  but still.  she asks to wear a "pink dancing shirt" every day.  the pinker and more ballerina-like, the better.  here is the ensemble she picked out for herself today.

clearly, she's going to go through her own phases, which is why i let her leave the house dressed like this.  and at least she had the decency to pull on a pair of orange (boys!) parachute pants. 

tae's been talking about june from little einsteins a lot recently - i don't know if tae likes june because june likes to dance or if it's because june is asian.  but, i'm pretty sure that june (and zoe from sesame street) are at the root of tae's obsession with dancing shirts.

race matters

good night boston is currently one of tae's favorite books.  tonight, as i was reading it to her, she pointed to one of the characters, and said, "look. tae. tae!"

do i have to tell you who she was pointing at?

ARGH.

i have to credit the illustrator of the book for trying to be culturally sensitive and for trying to represent a diverse population.

BUT.

i have a couple problems with this little book.  first off, this is the "good night students" page.  take a look.  the asian kids are raising their hands.  so is the kid with glasses.  and so is the kid in the wheel chair.  but that's IT.  the other kids of color aren't raising their hands.  is this the beginning of the model minority stereotype?  in a board book?

and, um, what about the eyes?

the asian kids show up one two other pages - once on the swan boats in boston common, and a couple of them show up in a big picture of buildings in boston.  but, there are no asian people running marathons, playing in the boston pops (um, seiji ozawa?), or even at the science museum.  ARGH.  are the asian people in boston being portrayed as nerds and tourists?

and, don't even get me started on the picture of the boston tea party.

i know i'm being a little harsh.  but still, tae identified with that little asian student girl.  she called the girl tae.  if that's not an endorsement of the fact that kids understand race, i don't know what is.

but tae's just barely two.  if she knows this already, what is she going to know about race (and racism) when she's five?  looks like i'll be pushing skin again back in to heavy reading rotation.  sigh.

[and no, it's not because that girl is wearing brown.  it's just not.]