bloogs blowing by

help!

i'm at a loss here for what to do.

on the weekends, tae doesn't like to go out.  she prefers to stay home and hang out with me.  for the past three weekends, we have gone out in the car exactly TWO times.  she is ok with walking to gymnastics and going to get coffee, but other than that, she apparently loathes going out.  she has me only slightly wrapped around her little finger - what am i supposed to do when she says, "i just want to stay here and hang out with you because i looove you!"

so that's the first problem - i don't know how to get her out of the house on the weekends.  my hunch is that i need to plan ahead more, build in more routines - since she is fine going to gymnastics on sundays, and she is fine leaving the house during the week.

here's the second problem - she doesn't nap.  she has never really napped without going out in the car or in the stroller.  so yesterday, after giving her 30 minutes to mentally prepare, we left for the grocery store.  and as we drove home, she started to zone out, and by the time we got home at 4pm, she was conked out.

napping at 4pm is always kind of awkward, so i decided to give it a shot and tried to wake her up at 6pm.  i offered her snacks, playing, music, everything... and she just faded right back to sleep, and finally asked for her pajamas at 7:30pm.

this was not a good sign.  i got in bed around 10:30pm, anticipating an early morning.  but nothing could have prepared me for what happened at 2:45am.  2:45am  (mind you, this is after she had me up fetching her food between 1:30am and 2:30am - this is always a precursor to waking up for her.)

"mommy, i want to get up.  mommy, come play!"

next, i feel little hands under my neck and back - she was trying to physically lift me up.  next, she is smothering me with kisses. "mommy, it's wake up time."

that was at 3:00am.  she read to her self for about 20 minutes (oh the irony, in my semi-delusional state, i heard her reciting "don't let the pigeon stay up late!"), and then played around with my ipod for another 10.  and at 3:30am, she was up, and i was up.

after playing for 4 hours, she was ready to go to school at 7:30am.  her teacher was a little surprised to see us, since we typically arrive at like 9:00am. 

i am so wide awake now, but we'll see how i am at 3pm.  YAWN.

talk about assumptions!!

i just called tae's doctor.  this was part of the conversation:

nurse: "hello, mrs. h*?"
me:  "yes?"
nurse:  "we have a message about THAI's** blood work."
me:  "ok, thanks."
nurse: "HIS*** results were negative."

thanks a-effing-lot.

* my child and i don't share a last name.
** tae's name is pronounced "tay" not "thai" as in thai food.
*** tae is a girl.

how to make me angry

This past weekend, we walked down to a local coffee shop since the weather is finally getting nice.  Right when i was trying to back our stroller out of the coffee shop, this man steps in.  He was pretty much blocking us in.

"Is your daughter Chinese?"  he asks.

"No," I say.  "I'm Chinese American."

"Oh," he says.  "Do you speak Mandarin?"

"No," I say.  "I'm third generation American."

"Oh.  Well, you know, people in China said that I speak mandarin better than a Chinese person."

At this point, I started to go off on him about how I was born and raised in America, and how I don't speak Chinese and.. and... and... then he got all like, "Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation." Blah blah blah.  He was a middle-aged white male, and clearly I was getting sketchy vibes from him.  Did he not realize that i was in the process of backing the stroller OUT of the coffeeshop?

It frustrates me that he brought Tae into it.  That he made all kinds of assumptions about us.  That he couldn't talk about god damn weather if he really just wanted make conversation.  It frustrates me that I just get angry and don't have it in me to turn this into a teachable moment.  It frustrates me that in situations like this, I am powerless.  He had the power to make me uncomfortable and upset, and I had nothing.

What do you say in situations like this?

*cross posted at kimchi mamas 

car-ma

last april, someone across the street from me backed into my car.  twice.

this morning, my neighbor backed into my car.  the damage is very minor compared to last year.  but this is getting a little ridiculous.  i've already been to the body shop down the street twice since we moved here last may.

i wish my lifestyle was such that public transportation would work well for me.  i'm just not there yet.

last week, i unloaded no less than 10 items when i got home from work (my work bag, tae's dipaer bag, my overnight bag, tae's bag of boots, my change of shoes, my laptop bag, my video camera bag, my bag of legal documents, and a bag of groceries).  sometimes, i feel like i could live out of my car.

[interesting book review that i mistakenly linked]

but i like vitamin water!

sometimes, it's not fun balancing social justice/responsibility with things that i like...  to consume.

but, when i read things like this, i remember that choice can be power too.

glaceau + racist voicemail message

sorry glaceau, no more business from me.

the morning after

i was going to write about how i was feeling inspired about valentine's day and love.  (instead, this post is going to be about sex, kinda.)

then my wallet was stolen.  luckily, it was found in a men's restroom with only the cash gone.  i still feel violated because someone took it.  this was one reason why i was stressed out yesterday.

then there was all the snow and grossness yesterday.  that was the second reason why i was stressed out yesterday.

i balled up into a little ball of stress.  good thing i have good people around me.

we had a long discussion about sex last night (ha. for work!)  it was great. (the discussion, not the sex.  it was just a discussion.) we asked people, "what did your parents tell you about sex?"  i was amazed at people's responses - that there were so many people whose parents said NOTHING.  not even "don't have sex."  just nothing. 

i have no idea how i'm going to broach this topic with tae.  and, speaking of which, are there any "where do babies come from?" books with asian americans in it?  or do only white parents have sex and make babies buy books about procreation for their kids? (well, that, and do people have sex other than for baby-making?)

this is what i get

for trying to raise a feminist kid. 

though, i suppose this could also be some kind of karmic balance for her brown phase.  but still.  she asks to wear a "pink dancing shirt" every day.  the pinker and more ballerina-like, the better.  here is the ensemble she picked out for herself today.

clearly, she's going to go through her own phases, which is why i let her leave the house dressed like this.  and at least she had the decency to pull on a pair of orange (boys!) parachute pants. 

tae's been talking about june from little einsteins a lot recently - i don't know if tae likes june because june likes to dance or if it's because june is asian.  but, i'm pretty sure that june (and zoe from sesame street) are at the root of tae's obsession with dancing shirts.

race matters

good night boston is currently one of tae's favorite books.  tonight, as i was reading it to her, she pointed to one of the characters, and said, "look. tae. tae!"

do i have to tell you who she was pointing at?

ARGH.

i have to credit the illustrator of the book for trying to be culturally sensitive and for trying to represent a diverse population.

BUT.

i have a couple problems with this little book.  first off, this is the "good night students" page.  take a look.  the asian kids are raising their hands.  so is the kid with glasses.  and so is the kid in the wheel chair.  but that's IT.  the other kids of color aren't raising their hands.  is this the beginning of the model minority stereotype?  in a board book?

and, um, what about the eyes?

the asian kids show up one two other pages - once on the swan boats in boston common, and a couple of them show up in a big picture of buildings in boston.  but, there are no asian people running marathons, playing in the boston pops (um, seiji ozawa?), or even at the science museum.  ARGH.  are the asian people in boston being portrayed as nerds and tourists?

and, don't even get me started on the picture of the boston tea party.

i know i'm being a little harsh.  but still, tae identified with that little asian student girl.  she called the girl tae.  if that's not an endorsement of the fact that kids understand race, i don't know what is.

but tae's just barely two.  if she knows this already, what is she going to know about race (and racism) when she's five?  looks like i'll be pushing skin again back in to heavy reading rotation.  sigh.

[and no, it's not because that girl is wearing brown.  it's just not.]

the anti-princess diaries

in sunday's NYT magazine, there was this piece by peggy orenstein about princesses.  i loathe the disney princesses.  i hope to gawd i never have to see bratz in my house.  right now, tae is little enough so i have a pretty tight grip on her world - no tv, no candy, no princesses.  clearly, i have my biases.  i want tae to be an empowered girl.  i want her to do whatever she wants and not be hampered by society's expectations of girls. 

but, i've caved in many ways.  i agonized over buying her a doll house for her second birthday.  i debated over buying her a pastel kitchen set for christmas.  i think maybe i'm over-thinking things.  she has trucks and cars and toy tools in addition to the house and the kitchen.  we kick around soccer balls and throw around basketballs at the Y.

my own damn fault

so, being the open-minded mother that i am, i sat down with tae the other night to read american born chinese.  it's a comic book graphic novel and tae has taken a particular interest in the monkey king story that's woven through the book.

we got through the first two chapters, and then got to a chapter featuring "cousin chin-kee."  i felt a little sick to my stomach when i saw the images of cousin chin-kee, and read to myself some of his lines.  on one page, he shouts out in big capital letters: "HERRO AMELICA!"  and while i intellectually can understand how this is part of a bigger dialogue about race and the asian american experience, i'm pretty sure that these nuances are lost on tae.

in fact, i had to close the book immediately because i felt like tae would see the hurtful nature, even of the words (being so big and capitalized, and yes, i know she can't read.  but still).

i put down the book to distract tae and try to skip to a new chapter.  when i came back to the book, i picked up and said, "hmmm, now where were we?  oh, right here!"  and i found a new page without cousin chin-kee.  unfortunately, tae has a mind like a steel trap, and shook her head at me and found exactly where i had left off and cried out gleefully, "right here!"  and there again, was chin-kee smiling his buck-tooth-smile right back at us.

*****************************************************************
the whole cousin chin-kee thing though is still difficult for me to stomach.  i will admit that i haven't read the entire book yet, so i don't know what happens at the end of the book - though i have a feeling that in the end, the monkey king story, the cousin chin-kee story, and the other story come together in a way.  clearly, if someone other than yang (who is chinese american) drew a comic with this character, they would be in deep trouble.  but here, serving some literary purpose, reflecting some internalized racism, it is ok.

it's ok, but it's a slippery slope.  clearly, tae can't grasp how overall, this negative negative image can be used in a context to promote good.  and as such, i don't want her to see the image.  but then, what about other people?  how do you make sure that they're fully grasping the entire situation?  i'm starting to have serious doubts about how culturally aware people in this country are, you know, with the whole rosie o'donnell thing and all.

but then, would it really be productive to take the opposite approach and advocate for a nation-wide ban and fine on anyone (asian or not) who uses a chin-kee like image? 

i don't know.  in the mean time, i'll read this book by myself, and leave tae to read more age approprite books, you know like the butter battle book. =)