bloogs blowing by

our family

tae had a little assignment from school last week.  each child was sent home with a folder with a piece of paper shaped like a house, and some instructions.  the instructions said that this was a project about families.  each child was asked to decorate the house with pictures and whatever they wanted to show about their family.  in the instructions, it mentioned family that might not live with you, places you might have gone with your family, and on and on.  it was pretty open ended.

yesterday, when i went to pick up tae, one of her teachers approached me about the house that tae had decorated.  tae didn't want to put any photos.  (i had printed out 10 photos that she had taken with her new camera, but she opted to paste them in her diary.)  we showed tae and example of another students' house that had four photos of the student and his family.  i asked tae is she wanted to take her house home again to add photos, and she said no.  and we left it at that.

i'll have to take a photo of the house after it goes on display in the classroom.

tae drew two stick figures, one is labeled "mommy" and the other is labeled "tae."  the she drew a door, and there is a person going through the door.  this person, tae has adamantly told me, "is no one.  he has no name." 

there's a HUGE part of me that thinks that she just got carried away drawing pictures, and so she doesn't know how to explain the third person that she drew on her house.

but then, there's also a itty bitty part of me that worries that this no-name person represents something more - the idea of a third name-less person in her representation of our family could mean so many things.  and i try not to let those things worry me.

because really, i do think that tae just got carried away drawing stick figures.  REALLY.

moms and dads

i haven't talked to tae about the fact that E and i are engaged - mainly because we're not planning on actually getting married until spring/summer of 2010, which for a three year old is like an eternity away, or at least 2/3 of her lifetime away.  which is pretty much like eternity to her.

so, just out of curiosity, i asked tae today what a dad was.  from some of the things she was talking about yesterday, they had made notes at school for father's day.  tae was writing notes to D-A-D, despite the fact that she calls her father "apah" (father in korean) and knows how to spell A-P-A-H and writes him notes all the time too.

tae must have thought i was asking her really weird questions, like duh, mom, you know what a dad is...

me:  hey tae, what does it mean to be a dad?
tae: like mom and dad.
me:  yeah, what does it mean to be a mom and dad?
tae:  mom and dads take care of you!
me:  do you think anyone could have two dads?
tae:  no, just one mom and one dad.
me:  well, what about P?  P has two mommies.
tae:  can you have three mommies?  and three daddies?  and six mommies?
me:  i guess someone could have six mommies.  they would be very lucky to have six mommies.
tae:  i'm not lucky.  i just have one mommy.
me:  but you're very lucky - there are lots of people - like gi-gi and pop-pop, and E - who help to take care of you, and who love you so much.

oh well.  she doesn't seem to have any angst around the issues of mommies and daddies.  which hopefully is because she knows that she is loved by a LOT of other people in her life.

the holidays

the holidays are finally here.  as is the end of the semester.  woo-hoo!!

i can't even begin to explain how glad i am that the semester is drawing to a close.  not because i do anything remotely academic, but simply for getting a break.  november was a rough month at work, with a bunch of late night events, weekend events, and several rounds of interviewing for a position in my office.  now that all of that is finally done with, i can breathe one big sigh of relief.

somewhere in the middle of all of that, tae got potty-trained.  i took advantage of the thanksgiving weekend (aka actual time spent with tae) to get her in to underpants.  though, i discovered that it is really hard to find size 3 underwear, and even size 3 sags on tae.  it's a little funny when i hear her crying out - my underpants are falling down!!  i doesn't help that all her pants sag now too from lack of diaper support.  oh well.

this weekend was exciting because we got our christmas tree.  my first ever real christmas tree in my own house.  i've always really been at my parents' house for the holidays, so there was never really a point in getting a big tree.  but now that tae is big, we have a tree.  and i love it.

the bad news is that tae loves the tree too. 

we went through this with the pumpkin at halloween too.  she got so excited about it that when they threw out their pumpkin at school, tae had a meltdown.  she's told me things like, "next halloween, we can pick another pumpkin," and "i wish i had my big pumpkin back."

and now, each time we leave the house, she says, "i love you tree.  i'll come back."  yesterday, she told me that she and the tree were getting married, because she was holding its "hands" and dancing.  right now, she's still mourning over her pumpkin, we'll see how it goes with the tree.

allies

i'm quickly realizing that my family has morphed into a non-traditional family.  we're not the typical family with a mommy and daddy living under one roof.  in fact, i had to explain to tae that apah is her daddy.  (clearly she knew that he was her dad, but she didn't quite get that they were synonymous.) 

and as tae gets better with words and as she starts talking to more people and more kids, i don't want her to ever feel like her family is not normal.  i don't want people to ask her about her mommy and daddy and for her to feel weird about saying that she has a mommy and an apah and that they don't live together.  i don't want the weight of other people's expectations to weigh on her because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how her family is shaped.  it just matters that she is loved and cared for by a large and loosely defined fam.

that's why it's important for us to be allies to other families that are non-traditional.  whether it is a single parent household, a blended family, an adoptive family, a family with two mothers, two fathers or any mixed up version of any of these, we all need to help shape people's expectations.  we all know that families come in many different shapes and sizes.  and we are all responsible for helping to change people's expectations. 

a long time ago when i had a summer job that involved cold-calling parents and guardians of infants, i got in a small bit of trouble when i asked if i could speak to "the mother or father of baby so-and-so."  in fact, baby so-and-so was being raised by two moms who called my lab back to complain about my choice of words. it helped me realize that i shouldn't expect that every child is being raised by a mother and a father living together. 

so, the next time you need to refer to a child's parents or guardians, please think about the words you and choosing and what they say about your expectations about what it means to be a family.

flime ties

i can't believe that it is 2007.  time flies.

this is tae's first new year without halmoni and harabeogi.  it's a little bit sad because usually today is a day spent with them, and our other relatives in california.

on the other hand, tae is also pretty lucky because she got to spend time this holiday season with other members of her family - her two bok-boks (great grandmas on my side), and great aunts and great uncles (who can't believe that they have a "great" in from of their names).

last year at this time, i just finishing grad school.  i was working part-time.  tae was still nursing, and i was still expressing.  our family was living together in california.

what a difference a year makes.

(yup, that's tae; exactly one year ago.)