Tonight I dragged Tae with me to a fancy work-function. I needed to be there to be there, and to say some brief remarks (like under 5 minutes). There were fancy work people there, like my boss, and people above him. It was from 5:30pm to 7:30pm on a Friday evening.
It didn't really occur to me that some of these people have no idea that I have a child. But, the truth is, they don't. For some reason, people meet me, sit in my office, and if they don't know I have a child, it doesn't even occur to them that the artwork and photos that *cover* my office are by and of my daughter. I probably have 20 drawings by Tae all over my office, countless pictures, markers everywhere, and a box of legos in the corner.
And yet, even my boss was surprised to learn that the girl clinging to my knee was my daughter. Another colleague even went so far as to point out the beautiful child sitting at a nearby table (Tae was sitting with my friends). I said "thank you," and he gave me a confused look. It was only after me saying that she was my daughter that it clicked for him.
It made me uncomfortable. Am I obligated to talk to my boss about my personal life? Why do people assume that I don't have a child? Will they view me differently having met my daughter?
I know that my boss *knew* that I have a child becuse I have mentioned childcare issues in scheduling things with him. I don't think it really clikced until he saw her, and knelt down to talk to her.
I suppose most of it is my own insecurity, that maybe seeing me as a mother will make people think less of me in the capacity of my work. That I can't do my job well because of my responsibilities at home. I'm sure that they would totally flip out if they knew that I was a single mother.
Part of it is that I care a lot about my work, maybe almost too much. I've been one of only a small handful of people building up the programs of my office, and I am very proud of my work and emotionally connected to it all. The women that I work with tend to be more compassionate about the roles of working mothers. But, I think the men that I work with don't always get it.
I remember another night I was working at social function, and a colleague asked me where my fiance was. My response, "Someone's got to stay home with my daughter." Where did he think that she was?
Maybe it's nice to put it all out there. And maybe no one but me even cares. Who knows.
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